Buggy's Show
by SoupTea
Summary: Buggy opens a new talk show. 'Nuff said. He pulls an unwilling ally along and chaos breaks out. Featuring some randomness and returning characters. Set place during vol 1-23. Feedback is appreciated!
1. Setting Up

BUGGY'S SHOW EPISODE 1

"Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the Buggy show!" the pirate captain screeches. His jovial face presses against the camera, his shifty eyes watching the invisible audience on the other side of the lens. Sporting a bright red nose, the amiable host introduces himself as Buggy the Clown.

"Will you stop? There's no one watching you make a fool of yourself." His reluctant partner slouches in the shadows. Narrow eyes, slicked black hair and the complete opposite of Buggy. His round-rimmed glasses gleam, making him quite terrifying to look at. "Except me."

"Don't mind Kuro, folks! He's just sour because it's my show!"

"No one's listening." Kuro rubs his temples and looks away. "And don't call me that."

Buggy bites his cheek. He didn't sack this dingy shack for nothing. It was a rare find: an abandoned studio, ripe for imagination to bring it to life. "You're spoiling my show!" he snaps.

Kuro glares at him with eyes full of condensation. "The roof is falling apart. The tiles are wet and soggy. Ivy is growing in the corner, and the 'camera' was something I made from cardboard." His tone is dead. Even Buggy feels despondent. "You took the only building that wasn't occupied by the Marines."

"…That makes it more fun, Mister Negative," Buggy hisses. _Why was Kuro here again?_

"You dragged me here, remember?" Kuro says, as if reading his mind. Or rather, his expression. "You threw a stink bomb at my ship and knocked my crew out with sleeping gas. I'm here until I get my reparations."

"I never did any of that." Buggy suddenly finds the squishiness of his nose _very_ interesting. "I just asked you if you wanted to be a co-host in my new show! You just took it the wrong way."

 _"_ I see. Then there must be another reason why you shredded my sails and smashed my steering wheel." He raises a thick eyebrow at the clown. "Why don't you enlighten me, hmm? Before I _do_ take it the wrong way." Kuro casually shifts the flax bag he carried with him. _Clank. Clank._ It sounds like knives slicing across each other.

Buggy bounces over to the camera. "You're such a pessimist! With just a little love and care, we can transform this into our own show!" He nestles his hands under his chin. "Some tender love! Like it's our baby!"

"I don't have time for this," Kuro mutters, suppressing a shudder. His face takes on a sickly blue hue. "Either you give me by payment, or I'll destroy this place."

Buggy gasps. "You wouldn't dare!" But everything about Kuro's expression tells him otherwise. The Black Cat Captain's hands are tense, as if itching to pull out his claws and trash Buggy before he can blink. "A-actually, hear me out. We just need to fix this place up, and I'll be raking in Berries! I was born to take the stage! I have this all planned out! Trust me!"

Kuro didn't need to roll his eyes for Buggy to know his extreme exasperation. "You? Plans? Two words that make no sense together."

" _Excuse me?_ You're just upset because you lost your girlfriend to the Straw Hat brat!"

"She's not—" Kuro's lips twitch, but he bites his tongue before the next words rumbles out. Buggy grins. Nothing like twisting the knife in the old wound, even if it's not remotely close to the truth. "I'm done." Kuro stands up, gathers his stuff, and walks away.

"What? Wait!" Buggy runs to the door and extends his hands. "What about my show?"

"Why don't you get the other pirates to help you? I'm sure they'll appreciate wasting their time with this charade." Kuro chuckles, eyes flashing menacingly. "I'll spare your place. It's too pathetic for me to destroy, anyhow."

" _Kuro!_ " Buggy wails. The man recoils as Buggy latches onto his body with his detached limbs. "You have to help me! Be a friend! Be a pal! This is my lifelong dream, and you're the only one who can help me achieve that!" He's lying. Even the Master of Lies knows that Buggy's lying. "They all scoffed at my idea! You're the only one that listened to me!"

"Because you ripped up my sails and trashed my crew!" Kuro snaps. He shakes Buggy loose, but the clown grips his leg as if his life depends on it.

"Then fate brought us here! Join me, Captain Kuro! And we'll become celebrities in the Pirate World!"

" _No!"_

"Too bad!" Buggy swipes the bag of claws— _attempted_ to swipe. Kuro throws Buggy aside with a forceful roundhouse kick. The clown crashes into his hastily-made equipment. _Swoosh._ Long, sharp knives flash in the air. _Swish._ The camera tumbles like a falling tower of cardboard. Potted plants shatter in an explosion of dirt and flowers.

"Stop!" Buggy screeches. "You destroyed my studio!" Before his eyes lie the ruins of his dream. Dust crumbles down from the ceiling. His equipment are broken, littered about the ground like grass clippings after a windy day. His self-promotional posters are beyond repair to where his beautiful jaw is hanging hazardously from his beautiful face.

"My dream! My one escape from this wretched pirating life!" Buggy crawls to his camera, tears streaming down his face. "I… I just wanted to be different… I wanted to beat that cursed Shanks… I…" He sniffs loudly. "I just wanted to be happy!"

Kuro watches him cradle the shattered lens in his arms. "You monster! You ruined my dreams! You trashed my house!" Buggy's usually jovial expression darkens. "We would've been a great duo! We could've been friends if you hadn't showed your true colors! I-I thought I could trust you!

"But I was wrong!" Buggy shoots to his feet. "Get out! Get out of my sight! And you deserved whatever happened to you!" Kuro cold mask didn't falter. Instead, the Pirate Captain puts away his claws and slams the door behind him.

 _Curse that man! I thought I could get him to help me!_ The ruins around him prove otherwise. _Never trust a liar!_ But before Buggy can continue, there is a _thup_ on the door. _Shoot! The Marines?_

The door flies open, and Kuro storms in with something behind him. A camera. A tripod camera with a brilliant black sheen and gleaming lens. Wait. There's more: A rug. Drapings. Tables. Cups and dishes. Dressings. A vacuum cleaner.

Buggy's jaw must have remained open for the longest time. He watches as Kuro drags a water dispenser into the room and throws Buggy a broom.

"W-where… wha…."

"It doesn't matter where how I got them," Kuro says quickly. He didn't look at Buggy as he sinks down to a chair and opens a book. "Well? I can't work in a cluttered environment."

The recognition slowly dawns in Buggy's eyes. "Kuro… Kuro you… you did all this for… for _meeeeee_?" His voice squeaks. "I knew it would work!"

"What?"

"Nothing like sweeping the floor!" Buggy coos. "Sweeping all the dirt into place and throwing away all this junk!" He sings as he sweeps. Just imagine what this little studio could turn out to be! Imagine all the fans he'll get and the figurines!

"I'm just staying here until I get my reparations," Kuro repeats, looking up from his book. "And stop grinning at me. It's unnatural."

"Of course, buddy!" Kuro frowns and buries his head into the book. He mutters something too low for Buggy to hear, but the clown happily continues cleaning the room.

"Hey, Kuro."

"…What is it?"

"Why do I have to be the one that's sweeping? Shouldn't you do it since you were a bu—"

"I can leave anytime I want, and I can make this whole place disappear before you even bat an eye." Kuro adjusts his glasses with his palm, but never spares Buggy a glance.

"—a _bombastic_ team player!" Buggy laughs.

 _And that was how Buggy's dream began._


	2. Promtion and Jelly Sticks

PROMOTION AND JELLY

"Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the Buggy show!" the pirate captain screeches. He beams brightly into the camera, showing brilliant white teeth that contrasts his bright red nose.

"And as usual, there's nobody to see you." His partner stares with dark eyes at the Clown. He pushes his glasses with his palm and sighs. "No one knows about this show, so naturally no one will watch it."

"Kuro!" Buggy shouts. The man flinches at that name. "I don't understand! We have the nicest studio in the world! And yet, no viewers!" Since that last time, Buggy had spruced this place up nice and neat. No more dust bunnies. A nice rug in the middle. Proper lighting and a wooden ceiling fan that emits a low hum.

"That's because no one knows about you," Kuro repeats. He shuffles to the fridge, pulls a cube of ice and proceeds to suck on it. "You need to promote yourself. Make connections. Make contacts."

Buggy rubs his nose with a frown. That's just _one_ of the things he wants to know. Their locations sit in the edge of a run-down town with a Marine Base in the center. Attracting pirates would be difficult. But not impossible. Kuro had mysteriously gotten those supplies so easily, so either the Marines don't care, or he was just very good at stealth.

And speaking of Kuro…

"Sucking that ice pretty hard, huh?"

Kuro shoots him a dirty glare. Buggy's nerves scream, and he suddenly feels very, very raw and vulnerable. "I don't have to explain every single thing to you, clown," Kuro hisses. His words are clipped, and if he hadn't exercised self-restraint, Kuro would've unleashed a colorful cuss storm that rivals a sultry old sailor.

"H-Hey! Relax, partner!" Buggy prances to the fridge and pulls out a carton of milk. "How about some white milk instead? Or some jelly sticks?" He jiggles the rambutan-flavored gelatin and makes a face. "Never too old for jelly sticks!"

Kuro is _really_ giving off bad vibes. Buggy laughs nervously, spreading out the different flavors before his partner, and peeks at the facedown book next to him. "Oh wow! The new issue of Three Pieces! You interested in that stuff, friend? I used to read that when I was young, but Mohji still buys—"

"Stop."

Buggy squeaks. Kuro rubs his temples again and sighs. He fingers at the jelly sticks and picks out a pasty white one. "Look. If you want to make this work, stop messing around. Otherwise I'll take my reparations and leave." He cuts off the top and puts it gingerly to his lips. "Sugar apple. Hmm."

"Anyhow, I'm willing to sit down with you and talk this over." Kuro raises a brow. "Do you know of anyone that can attract a large crowd? Anyone that has a natural stage presence that can help us spread your reputation." He coughs. "Except you."

"Shoot." Buggy fidgets with his nose absentmindedly. "Someone that adores the stage and can spread the word with their influence. Other than me…" Then his eyes brighten. "Oh! There is a person! And she'll love to do it!"

"Great." Kuro didn't sound at all impressed.

"But how am I supposed to contact her?" Buggy pouts. Kuro peers up at Buggy from his jelly stick. He sighs again and points at the corner, where a Transponder Snail happily snoozes. "Score! Kuro you even got a Transponder Snail? Just for meeeee?"

"Don't be silly. And you call yourself a talk show host." Kuro's lips curls, but he didn't lose that impassive face. "Well? Do you know how to use it?"

"I'm not sure she has one on her ship," Buggy mutters. He picks up the phone. "Hello? Is this…? Uh… I'm doing good. Yeah. No. It's not for that." He shoots a glance at Kuro, whose attention is on the jelly sticks. "No, I'm not alone. What do you mean? Uh huh… the small white building with a sign. Great! I'll see you! Huh? You'll come right awa—"

"You might want to look at this." Kuro's tone is clipped. He's looking out with a mangosteen jelly stick in his mouth. Buggy drops his phone and hurries over to the window. Since their place is on the edge of town, they have a nice view of the beach. And on the shoreline…

"A pirate ship!" Buggy yelps. And not just any pirate ship: this one has white sails emblazoned with hearts and a signature pink paint job.

"Just _who_ did you invite?" Kuro snaps.

 _Thud!_ The door flies open, knocking over a plastic potted plant. Kuro's eyes narrow while Buggy's cheeks flushes, the former thinking of the mess he has to clean up while the latter melts at her appearance.

"I heard Buggy opened a new show?" the woman says with a provocative smile. Her sea-green eyes rake over the Clown Captain, and she hoists her heavy mace over her shoulder. Her wide-brimmed hat grazes the ceiling, as did her heavy coat that drags on the floor.

"Alvida!" Buggy shrieks. She flashes a smile.

"My good friend Buggy! You haven't changed an inch. " Alvida squints. "No really. Y'all as short as before."

"And you've gotten bigger!" Buggy coos. He isn't eyeing her height. It might have something do with her exposed long legs and skimpy bra. Probably. Probably not.

"And who's your friend? The one that's sucking on them jelly sticks like they're the real deal?"

Instead of snapping at her, Kuro casually leaps to his feet. He adjusts his glasses with the jelly hanging from his lips. " _You_ are Iron Mace Alvida?" His flat tone didn't change, even when talking to a lady her caliber. Buggy finds this insulting yet unsurprising. "You don't look at all like your bounty."

"It's because I ate the smooth-smooth fruit!" Alvida proclaims proudly, spreading her hands and showing her luscious… er… skin. "My skin is _very_ smooth! So smooth, that even bullets don't hurt me!" She says with a slight drawl. "You look like you've never heard of them. Buggy here ate the chop-chop fruit! And now he's everywhere at once!"

Kuro feels an inward shudder in his visceral organs at Buggy's content expression. _Too content._ "What's with you people and the Devil Fruits?" he mutters. "I'll never understand that. What's the point of being a pirate if you can't swim?"

Alvida makes a face. "Listen, hon. I do love me some strong men that know how things work. Even some men that won't fall to my bewitching beauty." She bats her eyelids. Buggy swoons. Kuro shoots him an exasperated glare. "I don't recognize you from the posters. Could it be that you're a lost kitty Buggy dragged in?"

"His name is Kuro!" Buggy says before things get ugly. Kuro's fingers already started to twitch, and in that instant, Buggy realizes that this man does not care who his target is. "And he's my willing partner for my new show I told you about!"

The smugness fades from Alvida's eyes. "Oh my. _The_ Captain Kuro of the 1000 Plans? The one whom the Navy executed a long time ago?" She musters a nervous smile. "H-hold on, Buggy. You never told me that he's a zombie!"

"Yes I'm a zombie." Kuro flashes the most menacing smile. The sheen in his glasses makes him all the more terrifying. Add that to the jelly stick in his mouth. "And I've taken this clown's soul to trick you to come… so I can claim your face as well!"

Alvida shrieks. Buggy puts a protective hand before her. "Stop! Kuro! I thought you told me not to be wasting time! Look who's really the kid around here!"

Kuro freezes. Very, very slowly his eyes scan over Buggy, then Alvida. _Then_ he returns to his usual seating and flips open his book. His shoulders tremble slightly, as if he's laughing.

"Anyway!" Buggy clears his throat. "Alvida! Are you willing to be my first participant in my _highly-rated_ talk show?"

At the mention of the ratings, Alvida's eyes light up. He leads her to the table, where two plastic chairs are arranged carefully to face each other. She sits down, elegant and lady-like, giving him a flirty smile as she puffs her chest.

"Kuro! W-What about the camera?" Buggy says after tearing his eyes away from Alvida.

" _What about the camera?"_

"We need someone to operate it, Mister Jelly Stick," Alvida says with a smirk. Kuro snaps another one loudly. Logan flavored. He marches to the camera and fiddles around with it.

"Uh… Kuro. You know how to work that?" Buggy asks after watching his partner struggle for some time.

"Am I the cameraman now? …Of course I do." Kuro pops open the lens cap. A strange expression flashes across his face, a pale pink flush blossoms across his cheeks, and then it's gone. Kuro sighs. "We're ready to begin when you wipe off your nose. They'll think you were stabbed in the face. There are tissues under your desk."

"My. He doesn't mince words, does he?" Alvida mutters with grudging respect.

After Buggy cleans up, Kuro begins rolling. He turns the lights on, and pops another jelly stick, and gives a gesture.

Then Buggy opens his mouth. Those eight words that he dreamt of uttering. Those eight words that will begin his lifelong dream of being a celebrity.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the Buggy show!" Tears threaten to spring to his face. The harsh lighting almost makes him cry. The ceiling fan almost drowns out his voice. Alvida flashes him an endearing smile, and Kuro stares at him with a lychee gelatin stick between his teeth.

"Today we have a special guest for you! Lady Alvida!"

* * *

 **I regret nothing 'v'  
**

 **Buggy's dream is just getting started!**


End file.
